tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6768204976169460187.post6423669149849431489..comments2023-10-21T03:02:25.904+11:00Comments on Clever Bitch: Is "Sorry" Ever Good Enough?Clever Bitchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18314130067282347200noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6768204976169460187.post-80828734080780116092013-02-07T08:17:31.638+11:002013-02-07T08:17:31.638+11:00I was bullied. There has been no apology and frank...I was bullied. There has been no apology and frankly if there was I wouldn't accept it because without contrition it would be hollow.<br /><br />Bullying took something from me. I can never recover those years. The Bully was never reprimanded and continued to behave in the same way as the school heaped honours on him.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6768204976169460187.post-39079106986959894882010-07-12T16:25:58.673+10:002010-07-12T16:25:58.673+10:00You're welcome, and thanks for not sticking th...You're welcome, and thanks for not sticking the boot in (god knows I deserve it).<br /><br />Interestingly the same principles I noticed behind my bullying seem to apply to just about every bad behaviour going.<br /><br />How often do you come across a misogynist who would describe himself as one? Or a rascist who will publically declare it?<br /><br />We all want to be good people and will work hard to build and maintain that self-image. The problem is, we have such a wide variety of ideas of what is 'good'. <br /><br />Secondly, if you don't get feedback on your actions (ie. the bullied kid submits and/or apologises; you are praised for poor acts by your friends/family/community; or you simply don't come across anyone who disagrees with you) then those values are often far to ingrained to change easily by the time they are seriously challenged.<br /><br />To question such a fundemental aspect of yourself would threaten everything built on top of it - your relationships, career choices, day to day behaviour, humour - everything.<br /><br />That is one hell of an ask. And unfortunately just pointing out the error is no way going to resolve the situation.<br /><br />Christians are a great example. I agree with about 95% of what a modern mainstream Christian beleives. But just try pointing out the obvious errors in their system. They freak out and fall back on 'faith' or get really emotional. If you push them hard enough they will fight back on whatever points they can.<br /><br />They're not protecting the obvious error in their values - no exactly - they're protecting everything else that they feel is based on thos beliefs and would come into question if they accepted that error.<br /><br />As frustrating as it is, the only real way to win across people with regressive ideas is empathy, education and intolerance.<br /><br />Which is a real pain in the arse, since regressives get to use all the easy methods - hate, loudness, appeals to ignorance, fearPalunawackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17469043465628046403noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6768204976169460187.post-57011967888075185562010-07-11T00:54:38.582+10:002010-07-11T00:54:38.582+10:00Thankyou, Gordon, for sharing your story. You'...Thankyou, Gordon, for sharing your story. You've definitely given me some food for thought.Clever Bitchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18314130067282347200noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6768204976169460187.post-66908354493451431652010-07-06T15:32:12.560+10:002010-07-06T15:32:12.560+10:00Wow, just found this blog. Very impressed.
I migh...Wow, just found this blog. Very impressed.<br /><br />I might be able to offer some insight - I was both bullied and a bully in primary school at different times. The most I can say in my defense is that I was bullied first and the bully afterwards. I also eventually made the connection and utterly erased that behaviour from myself.<br /><br />Does my being bullied excuse/justify my bullying? Absolutely not. <br />Does it explain it? Yes.<br /><br />In my experience, bullying is fundementally about power. Taking it or losing it.<br /><br />In order to be bullied you must accept it to some degree or another. Letting it go early on establishes a pattern and things tends to get worse from there. <br /><br />You quickly become very sensitive to the dynamic that's established. If the bully sense a threat to the power they've gained, they seek to rectify it (or flee if it's serious). As the bullied, you try not to appear threatening after seeing the response such threats get you.<br /><br />In my case, I think this lack of power lead me to try and find it in other relationships - I became a bully over weaker kids.<br /><br />Funny thing was, I neve made the connection. I enjoyed being the bully. It caused me pleasure because it granted me control I lacked elsewhere. I felt vaugely guilty about it, but that was easily ignored. You don't want to empathise with the pain you're causing the other person because to do so would massively undermine your self-image as a good person. <br /><br />One of my best friends took several years before he could discuss his bullying of me - he had to recognise the fact he had done the wrong thing.<br /><br />I on the other hand, speculate frequently about tracking down the people I hurt (and I now recognise how badly I hurt them - empathy's a bitch) and apologising. Strangely enough I keep putting it of and finding excuses.<br /><br />I suppose I should bite that bullet.Palunawackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17469043465628046403noreply@blogger.com